HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!! (SOON ENOUGH)

Hallelujah. Praise whatever God you’re dumb enough to believe in because, yes my friends, It’s once again that putrid time of the year when over confident losers come forward and let us know with a full fledged burst of useless wind how they intend to attack this coming new year.

YIPPEE!

It’s new years resolution time. Let the losers come forth and declare their intentions.

The new years resolution has got to be the absolute dumbest contribution to our society this side of Rihanna. We don’t need either! Not only do I not care at all what you’ll be failing on doing with yourself this year, but I also don’t believe, in even the smallest, most sentimental part of my brain that this “year” is even over.

Let me ask you this genius.

If you were to invent a calendar, and nothing makes me believe you would have the intelligence to perform such a feat, but if you did, why would you end a cycle right smack dab in the middle of one of the seasons?

Like, I get why winter starts usually on Dec 21st. That’s the Winter solstice. That’s the shortest day. Makes sense scientifically.

But Dec 31st marks exactly the end, nor the beginning of nada. Nothing but your dumb attempts to make some commitment to quit smoking.

I love people who make quitting smoking resolutions. I love it. Anytime someone says they’re quitting smoking on Jan 1st makes me laugh, because I actually love nothing more than watching people fail miserably at attempting to quit smoking.

Yes. That one is quite easy to read. That lame personality type. The “I need a count down to make things count, because I’m THAT simple minded, and make sure TO LOOK AT ME DOING THIS BECAUSE I NEED ATTENTION!!!!”

That is a true sign of potential failure. That and the fact that the person usually says it with a cigarette hanging out of their mouth.

Never works.

People who quit smoking, crush out a half lit cigarette, smash up the pack and say stuff, like, “Fuck this. I quit. I’ll beat this. Starting right now. BYE!”

Why do we need to make commitments over New Years?

Stupid traditions perpetuate stupid societies.

But yes. Too harsh. Why not just go with the flow. Let it rest David. Relax. Breathe, and just be.

Ok. Done.

My New Years resolution is to never compromise my ideas. I started it already. A long time ago.

And what ideas are those exactly?

One of them is certainly to hate New Years and New Years resolutions.

But hey, good luck quitting smoking again.