Well, friends.

I’ve done it again. That’s right. I’m officially an art dealer! I just opened my own gallery.

That’s right. Art, mother fuckers. I’m dealin it.

I know, I know.

You’re absolutely right. I’m not a rich private school kid with rich Hollywood parents and tons of connections and drugs, but hey, I ran a half marathon, and I know first hand that if they offer you a half marathon, you should take it and tell everyone that you ran a marathon.

Just drop the “half” part. No one will question it, and it’s still “the truth.”

That has nothing to do with art of course, I just wanted to let you guys know I ran a half marathon.

I ran it in 1 hour and 30 minutes give or take, but mostly give about thirty four minutes.

Anyway. Yes. The art show.

Actually. This show is exclusive for the comedian and Asian guy who probably hates to be called an Asian guy, Bobby Lee, so if you’re not Bobby Lee, you’re not really invited to the opening.

If you are Bobby Lee, welcome.

If you’re not Bobby Lee, you should check out Bobby Lee. He’s funny. You should also fuck off, you’re not invited to the opening, even though I put the link on Twitter.

Can I kick you out? No. I have no idea how I would do that, so please just stay out of Bobby’s way while he looks at the art and don’t make a big deal out of him being here. So he drives a Prias. Big deal. Bobby doesn’t need to hear anymore about what a hero he is to the environment, or how masculine that car makes him look.

Now, again, if you are Bobby Lee, I’d like to personally welcome you to the Bigfoot One art opening.

Would you like a something to drink Mister Lee?*

*If you answered yes, proceed to your kitchen and grab a drink.

Great. Now lets get on with some art. Take your time Mister Lee, and of course if you’d like to purchase any of these pieces, we can discuss the ludicrously expensive price anyone in your position would obviously be willing to pay because this art is so good, and the gallery has such a prestigious reputation.

Wink, wink.

And now, without further a doo doo.

THE BIGFOOT ONE ART SPECTACULAR PRESENTED BY THE MF DAVID DEERY GALLERY FOR THE ARTISTICALLY INCLINED, BUT SOCIALLY AWKWARD……

This dude is my favorite……. Acrylic on wood.

These Dudes…….. Acrylic on wood.

 

Let’s not forget this guy…. “The Forest Warlord!”…….Plastic.

Multi foots……….. Acrylic on varnished wood.

Just like the good old days……. Spray paint on wood.

And for the grand finally. The big one, for rich comedians with massive mansions. What better way to let people know you’re gettin that “movie money” than buying the biggest piece in an art show. This is the big catch. This is the one you’re gonna wanna brag about. It aint cheap, but it will pay off when Louie, Chris Rock or that guy from Hangover swings by your place for drinks.