Berlin is a waterfall.

Berlin is a waterfall.

Imagine Berlin is a waterfall. I mean metaphorically, of course. I mean, Berlin is LIKE a waterfall. An awesome waterfall, flowing in a nature nook, deep in the forest, silent, except for the blast of water, showering off the mossy rocks. The waterfall shoots down ten meters or so, into a perfect pool of water, cool, and frosty, and big enough to swim in and yet, right at the mouth of the fall, there’s a cave, and an area shallow enough to stand up and hang in the waterfall, like a shower. The ultimate nature spot, romantic, and peaceful and the best part of the metaphor that I’m creating is you’re all up in that bitch, swimmin and waterfallin it up.

And it’s the groove. It’s mellow, but there’s some people there, and you know what, most of the people are cool, and pretty damn sexy, and you meet some sexy swimmer creature of the opposite sex, or the same sex, depending on how this metaphor is shaping up to perfection in your mind.

Long story short. Dope nature. Waterfall. Swimming. Sexy time. Camping out by the waterfall. Happiness for EVERYONE.


Well. Now, I know you hate complaining. And I also know that “things change,” but some guy was up here at the waterfall last week and he took a bunch of pictures of the waterfall, and he went back to his town, 8 hours away from the waterfall, and he’s selling maps to the waterfall, and I guess that’s not so bad, but this other guy just up and built a floating bar, right next to the waterfall, and is that even legal? I mean, I’m not from this waterfall, so I can’t really speak on it, and I don’t even drink, but I know some people do, especially those creepy guys who just started showing up, when they heard some of the women hanging out at the waterfall swim topless, and boy it’s getting kind of hard to sleep at night, because of the all night waterfall raves, which are cool, I guess. I mean, techno, 24/7 isn’t ideal for everyone, but hey, how can you blame someone for wanting to get their dance on surrounded by some beautiful nature that, OK, is getting cut down little by little, but we need to build these luxury apartments if we want guys like Brad Pitt, or Brad Pitt to hang out here.

And it’s all good, and smile, and enjoy it, because you didn’t build this waterfall, you too just showed up one day, and who are you to tell people they can’t post blogs about how awesome the waterfall is, or tell people whatever they want to hear, like,

You don’t have to speak German at this waterfall”

or open up a waterfall tour, or waterfall pub crawl, or waterfall beer bike, or sell cocaine directly under the waterfall while eye-raping any member of the human race that has a vagina, or, SURE, walk a stones throw away, upstream and take a shit, right next the water.

It is what it is.

It’s a waterfall. Full of people no one likes, leaving trash, and breaking bottles, and buying up space, to perpetuate their own vision of what a waterfall should be, but mainly just cashing in in their own selfish way, with no worries about the future of the waterfall.

Hey man, it’s still better than that other waterfall.”


What other waterfall is there? I mean seriously, where’s the next waterfall?”


Man, are you depressed? Do you take medicine?”

I’m not depressed, I just didn’t think I’d ever see the day when people would wait three hours, pay top dollar, and act like such dicks, just because of a waterfall, when a lot of the people seem to literally hate water.

I mean, what next,

You know what? We should fill this waterfall and lake in, and build a bar/ club/ luxury apartments/ Starfucks right here, RIGHT?”


3 thoughts on “Berlin is a waterfall.

    1. What is? Passive aggressively, anonymously trying to shit on someone’s attempt to be aware of their surroundings, or shitting next to the waterfall? Define “this.” And please, friend, define hipster for us as well, while you’re at it, you troll. I’m gonna assume you’re some shitty American/ British/ Spanish loser who opened a floating bar in Berlin with your parents money, or, possibly some young lady mad that I never called you back? Either way, no ones sad about how lame your life must be. I suggest mushrooms. Lots and lots and lots of magic mushrooms.

  1. If I complain, can I please also get a suggestion for magic mushrooms & perhaps also a mushroom-prescription? ‘Coz I do like the text, but I don’t want to be the one left out on the mushroom-trippin’ in here..

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