Club Mate cake club recipe.

Club Mate cake club recipe.


So a lot of people asked me, “Did you really bake Club Mate cakes?”

To which I always reply, “No, I shot them out of my wiener hole.”

Just kidding, I always answer “yes” because I did bake them, and now you can too with my easy recipe.

Ok, first things first.

I am not a professional chef. I bake religiously, meaning, I just throw a bunch of things together, and then, through my intense belief system, things work out.

It’s a faith-based recipe, and I believe so much in the power of Club Mate that there’s no way this recipe can fail me.

If you’re willing to test your faith in this wonderful beverage, let us continue.


Ok. Step one is for sure crack open the Club Mate and take a huge swig. This is gonna be a long day. Then, crack a bunch of eggs into a baking bowl, and get some butter and I guess some sugar and mix all that shit together with a splash of Club Mate and by splash of course I mean half a bottle or so.
Mix that shit up.


Next step is to add the flour.

Make sure to drink more Club Mate as you’re doing these steps because you wouldn’t want to fall asleep while baking something and burn your house down.

So, throw in some flour, and of course some more Club Mate and probably some more sugar, and with your electric mixing dildo mix all that shit up while constantly believing* that what your doing is gonna work.

*Belief tip. Don’t have faith that what YOU’RE doing is right, but certainly believe that the CLUB MATE is doing the right thing. Let the power of Club Mate guide you.


ALRIGHT! You’re ready to throw that bad boy in the oven, but let’s start with a few words of advice.

One. Make sure to stay lubricated with Club Mate. You don’t wanna go near a hot oven without drinking a lot of liquids. Last thing you need is to end up dehydrated, passed out and helpless as your cake and house burn to the ground.

Also, make sure the oven is actually on. I’m not sure what temperature. Who cares? Between Celsius, Fahrenheit, gas, electric, and all the other weird things to think about I’d rather just be drinking Club Mate, so just turn it on and believe. That’s what I do.

I bet I could bake one of these bad boys just by the power of the sun.

And now you can too.

SEND ME PICTURES, and oh yeah…….