PRODUCT REVIEW.

ORIENTAL FLAVORED BODY WASH.

Why yes, it is.

Yep.

That is, indeed, ORIENTAL FLAVORED BODY WASH, because let’s face it, if you’re anything like me, you’ve been asking yourself over and over again,

“Where can a guy get some body wash that will make me smell “ORIENTAL?”

ORIENTAL FLAVOR BODY WASH?

Oh my god, this is wrong on so many levels. So many. Where do I start, dumb German company making Oriental Flavor body wash.

Ok, let’s start with the basics. It’s not FLAVORED. Does it TASTE oriental? Am I supposed to wash my body, put on some koto drumming music, lay back and let my girlfriend enjoy the taste of the orient? Is she supposed to kiss my neck and say something like,

“Mmmm, YOU TASTE LIKE RAMEN!”

Or, do I wash my nuts with it, and then, when I’m all clean and showered I go cook some rice noodles with tofu, and put a little Oriental Flavored Body Wash to the sauce to add a little tang? What the fuck is wrong with you people?

FLAVORED body wash? It’s SCENTED. DUMB ASSES, because people SMELL IT, NOT TASTE IT.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH! What’s wrong with you people?

And if it’s not weird enough to make something FLAVORED instead of SCENTED, you guys chose ORIENTAL flavor? What the hell is that? What the fuck? Take a normal shower gel and add two packets of Pad Thia flavoring and a dash of red curry? What the fuck is ORIENTAL flavor?

“Well, Hans, time to bust out the semi racist advertising!”

“Oriental flavor body wash. Smell like kung fu!”

Or,

“Oriental flavor body wash. It’s like rice and seaweed in a bottle!”

And I know what you’re thinking, people reading this.

You’re thinking, PHOTO SHOP! To which I will just say this. If I photo shop something it’s certainly gonna look slightly obvious, and be CREME DE COCK FLAVORED!