Don’t worry friends and lovers of stupidity, even if I posted a Facebook update saying, “No, it’s not my birthday, but it is APRIL FOOLS DAY, and I even did this little trick last year” it would not matter.

We live in a strange time, don’t we?

Who needs to think, or care, or even wonder about anything anymore?

Facebook told me it’s your birthday, so I will wish you a happy birthday. I am a good friend says the masses.

BAAAAAAH says the sheep.

I wonder how many people, and do not say zero, because I’m sure many would, would wish me a happy birthday day in and day out if every night I changed my birthday to the next day?

I know, I know, people are just being cool and friendly and I’m kicking them when they’re feeling great about themselves.

I suck.

“Oh, Happy Birthday David Deery! Look Look, WE’RE CONNECTED.”

They get all smiley and smug, and then I come along,

“YOU DON’T KNOW ME LOSER. YOU’RE NOT MY FRIEND. THIS IS AN ELABORATE TRICK THAT’S NOT EVEN THAT ELABORATE AT ALL, IT”S ACTUALLY SOMETHING ANYONE COULD FALL FOR, BECAUSE ASIDE FROM YOUR BEST FRIENDS BIRTHDAYS, WHO REMEMBERS ANYONES BIRTHDAYS, WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I RARELY WISH ANYONE A HAPPY BIRTHDAY ON FACEBOOK UNLESS I WANT TO SLEEP WITH THEM, AND I WANNA SLEEP WITH MOST OF THE GIRLS ON FACEBOOK, BECAUSE I WANNA SLEEP WITH MOST OF THE GIRLS IN THE WORLD BECAUSE I HATE MYSELF.”

I need a shower.

Happy April Fools Day Losers.

PS. I’m not going to NYC or LA. You’re stuck with me Berlin.